Reviews of the last thing you saw

epicgordon

Talking that is character related is always OK with me, but for bad exposition...? Never.

BTW, I enjoy the new Spider-Man too. The last guy, I'm afraid, did not convince me at all. Then again, I liked Tobey Macguire's Spider-Man and could never understand all the negative remarks online about his version. However, I don't spend a lot of time in deep examination of my enjoyment of these superhero movies; it's enough that I'm having a good time with them, maybe even most when they are at their silliest. At the same time it's great that we can always dive into the movies' storied past and enjoy the genuinely great films and stars in them when the present day crop of movies is leaving one starved for quality, which is most of the time, to my way of thinking.

Tom Cruise's film The Mummy was amazing to look at, but carried the silly factor to the extreme, I thought. The scriptwriting just seemed to be the result of much fuzzy thinking, not to mention some ignorance of ancient Egypt. Not even the ever watchable Cruise could save that movie, but it surely looked good just about all the way through.

My favorite line from it was in the opening narration where the speaker informs us that the princess "was mummified alive." Say what?!!!

Might as well go over a number of movies that I had seen since 15:17 but never got around to reviewing them:

1. Early Man: I am an admitted fan of Aardman animation. I liked just about all of their feature films, and if not some of the wittiest and intelligent of animated movies today, they are at the very least charming. Even my least favorite films of theirs tend to make me smile a bit. Early Man is one of said least favorites, right alongside Curse of the Wererabbit and Shaun the Sheep. Perfectly fine and serviceable kids films. But that's kind of it. Early Man's concept is far too strange--cave men that settle a territory dispute with a game of soccer. Which is what these British Cavemen called it over here in the US because we have our own game that we call football over here and all that. Honestly, even by such a strange concept goes, it's shockingly pedestrian. It's hard to make fictional sports movies entertaining simply because 9 times out of 10, you know the good guys are going to win no matter what, especially if the stakes happen to be pretty bloody high (the only time off the top of my head that I can recall the good guy losing when the stakes are bloody high in a fictional sports movie was in Kingpin). And spoiler alert: The cavemen win. What a shocker. It has a couple decent gags in it though, and it's mostly harmless all the same. 6 out of 10.

2. Black Panther: Honestly, if I was over on Amazon, YouTube, or any other public forum, my objective views here would be bloody controversial, though I'd at least have an audience. After careful consideration, I consider the very concept of Black Panther to be absolute garbage, and the film adaptation doesn't elevate matters much. The fictional country of Wakanda is a colossal Mary Sue society. In spite being an isolated country that largely cut off from the rest of the world and decides who their political leaders off periodically in barbaric duels to the death over a waterfall, it is a massively technologically advanced country that rubs in us American's face just how much better at pretty much everything it is to everyone else, especially to America. That's two big bugaboo's that I have when it comes to fictional settings rolled into one--a fictional setting with nothing wrong with it rolled into a technologically advanced utopia that has next to no contact with the rest of the world (especially not in the arena of trade).

Some of the most advanced and powerful nations and empires in the history of the world were vast civilizations that focused their efforts in two arenas--trade, and diplomacy. It doesn't matter how great your Vibranium is, Wakanda should be a third-world hellhole with no democracy and no republic--rather than a socialist's wish-fulfillment utopia. I generally am suspicious of utopia's anyways; they're just fascist dictatorships in disguise as paradise's anyways. I'll at least give the film props for at least acknowledging how the system that decides Wakanda's rulers tend to allow every opportunity for a psychotic tyrant to take over and nearly burn their country to the ground.

What a shame. Because at least the film had promise as far as a plot was concerned, and it had it's shots at being a tolerable piece of entertainment. Too bad the social commentary and the political jabs basically render the movie a film that cares more about relevance and social justice rather than being an escapist piece of entertainment. Meaning I can't suspend my disbelief under any circumstances because I now have to take what I'm watching seriously. The bright spot? You don't actually need to see this movie in order to understand what is going on in Infinity War. It feels, similarly to Guardians of the Galaxy--like a standalone movie rather than an immediate piece of the puzzle.

So, all things considered, 3 out of 10. This makes Infinity War literally my second MCU film that I actively dislike. I still think Iron Man 2 is worse for being completely boring and having contributed absolutely nothing to the MCU aside from setting up Iron Patriot's origins.

3. Game Night: Holy shit! A genuinely good R-rated comedy this decade!? Yes, it happens. That's kind of the reason why I haven't boycotted them--especially given the wide scope in which they'd cover. Unfortunately, it's a good R-rated brain twister. Comedy? Not so much. It's still a post 40-Year-Old Virgin-era R-rated comedy, so expect the general juvenile jokes that make them feel more like kids movies than mature films aimed at an adult audience. There are some good stuff in there--one of the characters is a gullible idiot who comes across as a swinger to his friends when really his dates are merely using him for his own amusement; he constantly thinks that there is chemistry with his one-time dates to these Game Nights wherein none exist. It's an interesting and unique way to make an idiot character both sympathetic-yet funny for being an idiot simultaneously (take notes, Adam Sandler).

It probably would have been a contender for best movie by year's end, however, had the comedy been better integrated into the brain-twister of a plot. Similar to films like Ruthless People or A Fish Called Wanda. Instead, they stick mostly to the usual R-rated trends. At least they didn't flash somebody's genitalia--come to think of it, there's no nudity whatsoever in this film, if memory serves.

Meaning it doesn't violate a cardinal sin of mine when it comes to R-rated comedies--if I see a penis, the film is automatically garbage. All things considered, probably a 6 or 7 out of 10.

4. Annihilation: Honestly, I almost forgot that I even saw this film--especially since I saw it the same day as Game Night. I remember it for having some shocking, haunting imagery. And that's about it. It's kind of like a SciFi body horror Apocalypse Now. However, conceptually, the film can be described with just three words: Sloppy, lazy, and pretentious. When a film is about finding answers, there is one cardinal rule that must be followed: You must supply your audience with concrete answers. Especially if the plot of your story is self-contained. It is both predictable and out there in the stratosphere. And yet, I have no idea why. It's one thing to hold back plot-related answers in the first part of a trilogy; it's another when it's a self-contained story. The film is based on the first book in a series of books, but interviews suggest that the other books would not be adapted; the filmmakers intended to make Annihilation a contained narrative when adapting it because when the script was written, it was just the one book.

Honestly, if the questions left unanswered leaves us questioning and contemplating meaningful things, that's one thing. If the questions left unanswered could be explained in later installments, granted, I'd suspect if they'd ever get explained, but I guess I could understand. But narrative-related questions should not go completely unanswered within a compact narrative. At best, they come across as gigantic plot holes. At worse, it shows that the writers and directors have absolutely no idea what the hell their own ideas happen to be.

Ergo, it is probably up against Black Panther for my least favorite film of the year. Be as it may, however, I'm probably am going to forget about the film by year's end. So, I'm going 2 out of 10.

5. A Wrinkle in Time: While it doesn't fall for the same trappings as Annihilation does--or Black Panther for that matter--we all know why this film was made. Oprah! Oprah! Oprah! Honestly, I do not think she's trying to win an Oscar this time around, but rather trying to pass herself off as a blockbuster star in a similar vein to, say, Robert Downey Jr., Harrison Ford, or Samuel L. Jackson among others. Sorry, hun; the masses don't have much of an investment in you. Especially when the source material was scrubbed of all its Christian overtones in spite the fact that the book was originally written to be a marriage of both Christianity and science, to demonstrate that the two can co-exist. But instead of acknowledging God, it's Oprah who has taken center stage. Ironic since Oprah does literally nothing but talk in helping the lead kids along on their quest. 4 out of 10--and grant you, I'm only giving this film points because aside from the acting from two of the kids, the first act and the climax are actually pretty good, while the scenes involving Oprah were downright laughably narcissistic. Think Barbra Streisand in Prince of Tides.

6. The Hurricane Heist: One last review for the time being. Based on the title alone, you'd be right in assuming that this is a stupid B-movie. Honestly, the one thing that probably could have made it even more fun is if the good guys were the ones pulling off the heist rather than the villains. But I digress. 6 out of 10 as far as entertaining camp and a throwback to classic action movies are concerned. Honestly, this is probably the first watchable movie Rob Cohen has directed since Dragonheart.

Sometime later, I still need to play some serious catchup. I've talked some about Pacific Rim: Uprising, and I've also seen Tomb Raider, Isle of Dogs, A Quiet Place, and Rampage. And then of course, there is Infinity War.

Okay, time for a few more movie reviews now that I have some quality time to myself.

1. Tomb Raider: The problem with this film is that it takes a while for things to seriously take off--like an entire chase sequence in a harbor that has nothing to do with anything else in this film. But when it takes off, it becomes a seriously good and entertaining action film. Can't believe I'm saying this, but we actually got a genuinely decent video game adaptation. It's based more off the rebooted franchise that begun shortly after Square Enix of Final Fantasy fame acquired the rights to the series, though it feels more like a hybrid of the original PlayStation games that Jolie once represented and the gritty rebooted franchise. So we got an adrenaline junkie having moments of vulnerability and weakness. It's a little off, but not a complete disconnect, given the film explores her origins as the titular Tomb Raider as well as exploring her relationship with her long lost father. Interesting take on the supernatural and how they try to explain it's practicality so as to not completely suspend disbelief (even though that's not how plagues work--even THE Plague took a day or two before claiming their victims, rather than a matter of minutes).

I honestly do not know how to sell this movie. I think if you are fans of things like Commando, Indiana Jones or Predator, you will probably like this film fine. 6 or 7 out of 10. Again, it takes a while to get going, and there's one or two scenes of filler that have no reason to be in the film, even in establishing Lara Croft as an adrenaline junkie. Pace the film better in the first act, and it could have launched this film to a Fresh Tomatometer on Rotten Tomatoes.

2. Pacific Rim: Uprising: I already talked about this film a bit, but might as well give it a rundown. It's definitely not as good as the first Pacific Rim. It's entertaining and a perfectly serviceable popcorn flick. But if you're going to wait until it hits DVD or Blu-Ray, don't. It's one of those films you kind of have to see on the big screen if you plan to see it at all. All I have to say is that what they did with Charlie Day's character simply doesn't work at all, much less in the tone that they may have had in mind. 6 out of 10. It's flaws are in its narrative shark-jumping, it's self-fellating product plugs, and Charlie Day.

3. Isle of Dogs: It's a Wes Anderson movie. Expect this to be weird, even with it's concept. It's set in a near-future dystopian Japan, where dogs have been quarantined by a corrupt mayor over the Dog Flu. You'd think being an animated doggy film, it has to be a kids film. But having seen countless amounts of trailers and advertisements for family films over the years, I knew this was not going to be for kids. I was thinking perhaps an R-rating, but they managed to get by with a PG-13 instead. It's advertised as an absurdist dry comedy with the execution of a propaganda piece. And I don't mean like how Ready Player One, Wall-E or Straight Outta Compton are propaganda hack pieces. I mean more like Triumph of the Will, or a reverse Springtime for Hitler. Rather than taking symbols of power of making them absurd, it's taking the absurd and making it seem far more powerful and commanding. And I think it's best to look at Isle of Dogs as half propaganda, and half boy and his pet film.

Even the stop motion seems to work well, both in capturing just how self-aware the film seems to be about how absurd its own ideas are while still augmenting said ideas to make it seem more real. It also works in toning down some of the more intense and gritty scenes. Let's just say, if this was hand drawn or computer animated, it would probably look something more along the lines of Watership Down or Antz. The movie even features a kidney transplant scene between two main characters, but thanks to Wes Anderson's stop motion style, it takes a pretty gruesome scene and makes it seem a bit quirky.

I honestly do not think you should show this film to your kids. It may be better than 95% of all animated movies in recent years, but even if some of the more intense moments or adult themes don't disturb them, they may actually find it kind of boring. This is one film you most certainly will not find a dance party ending in.

Overall, 8 out of 10. If there are any serious problems, it's that as the cast of human characters are primarily Japanese, they all speak in Japanese, and without any English Subtitles, either. Maybe a translator from Francis McDormand or on the tv in-movie. But as you otherwise have no idea what any of the Japanese people are saying, the English audience feels a constant disconnect. I sort of get why, since many scenes in the movie seem like the dogs--who are all "dubbed" into English--seem to be talking directly with the human characters from time to time. But still, it's one element they probably felt was expendable. Just looking at things at a multi-dimensional way, and I honestly think Wes Anderson may have guessed wrong.

Still, it's very good, and is one of the strongest movies of the year so far.

4. A Quiet Place: Yet another strong movie. Conceptually, it makes no sense and has a few glaring plotholes concerning how the monsters are defeated, much less how they operate. I like to look at the genre of horror though as a genre into the irrational. A lot of people are scared of snakes; I among many others are terrified of spiders (so Return of the King is probably one of the scariest movies I've ever seen). So basically all that one needs to depend on is the logic of the movie itself. I was a little reluctant to see this film simply because it felt very gimmicky--a horror film with barely any sound in it, much less dialogue. And even with a PG-13 rating, I was also suspecting potential exploitative.

And honestly, the film is a much more noble homage to the horror genre of old. It leans more towards the Lovecraftian. Though because this is a film and not a book, it kind of makes the monsters a weak spot. Aside from the fact that one can poke holes at how they function and how they managed to devastate the entire world in spite of their weaknesses, I honestly have no idea how you can describe them. Think the Xenomorphs from the Alien movies mixed with a giant bat and a giant ear. The end result is something that is difficult to put into words. Which is kind of the point with Lovecraft's monsters; rather than going into miniscule detail on what they look like, he instead puts details in the horrifying emotions they transmit when you actually see them. And it's kind of difficult to capture the embodiment of any raw emotion as a physical description.

Honestly, if you like a good horror movie, I highly recommend this movie. Too bad it's not going to be able to follow in the footsteps of Get Out, regardless of whatever "social commentary" the people behind it are trying to pass it off as a means of gaining Oscar buzz. Why? Because as good as it was, it was still produced by Michael Bay. Yes, he has made genuinely good stuff. But similar to how Black Hawk Down was snubbed a Best Picture nomination because of Jerry Bruckheimer's name attached to it, the Academy is going to stick two fingers up towards Michael Bay.

Whatever, man. They don't care about recognizing quality anymore. It's a strong film and I highly recommend it. 8 out of 10.

5. Rampage: Honestly, the only reason I ever saw this film on the big screen was because I attempted to watch Infinity War on premiere night, but aside from the front row seats for the Imax screening, they were all completely sold out. So, as to not make my trip to the theater a complete waste of time, I decided to see this movie instead. Evil corporation decided to weaponized a genetic gas that was intended to cure cancer but instead used it to turn animals into gigantic monsters. So it is up to Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and his giantified albino ape buddy to save the world or something. Like Tomb Raider, Rampage is also based on a video game, although not exactly a story-driven one like Tomb Raider was.

The only notable difference from the source material is that the giant albino ape in the game was originally a man. Aside from that, the entire premise of the game is kept in tact and given a generic monster movie narrative about evil corporations attached to it. Given that it was the first video game movie to surpass the 50% range on Rotten Tomatoes (yet still hasn't gained an overall fresh rating), it is kind of the de facto best video game movie of all time.

Honestly, I prefer Tomb Raider in spite it's first act problems. But Rampage is what it is. Take what you will on whether or not you want to watch it or not. Or you can watch something better like Infinity War. 5 out of 10.

And finally....

6. Avengers: Infinity War: This honestly deserves its own review and thread, but since I don't want to spoil the movie for you, I'll keep it brief for now. Man, did this film kick it out of the park and leave me shaking. This is probably the third or fourth film to have ever left me with an adrenaline rush, and is by far the best of the lot. I'd honestly rate it up there with the first Avengers or the Guardians of the Galaxy movies for the best films in the MCU. And honestly, I might consider changing my avatar soon because of this movie.

I'm not going to give anything away. But not only does it kick ass, it's going to beat you down big time. This is the first time since the first Avengers that I actually enjoyed Tony Stark. This is the first time since his debut that I finally bought into Tom Holland as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. Thanos is kind of the main character of this movie, and yet anybody with any sense can tell that he is definitely mad. A kind of tragic and somber type of insane, with an incredibly warped code of honor (then again, Josh Brolin really did nail it out of the park as the Mad Titan--somebody please give this man an Oscar--if not for this movie, then for anything else!).

If you haven't already, go watch it! The only notable downside to this movie is that if you haven't been keeping up on the MCU, you'll be left scratching your head as to what you should watch. Honestly, let me list every single MCU film you need to watch before heading into Infinity War: Iron Man; Thor; Captain America: The First Avenger; The Avengers; Thor: The Dark World; Captain America: The Winter Soldier; Guardians of the Galaxy; Avengers: Age of Ultron; Ant-Man; Captain America: Civil War; Doctor Strange; Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2; and Thor: Ragnarok. Iron Man 3 is optional as it sets up why Tony Stark has been acting like a jackass over the last couple of years leading up to this point; and maybe Black Panther for establishing who some of the people of Wakanda happen to be (besides Black Panther). The ones that do not need to be seen are Iron Man 2 (which sucks anyways) and The Incredible Hulk (which nobody cares about, not even Marvel).

But as far as narratives go, neither Iron Man 3 nor Black Panther are necessary viewing experiences.

Just one spoiler, though: Ant-Man, Hawkeye, and Valkyrie are completely absent in this movie. Still, since Ant-Man and the Wasp are coming up shortly, you will probably need to watch Ant-Man anyways.

Overall, probably the best movie-going experience of the year thus far, and that was in spite some technical difficulties at the start of the film. 8 or 9 out of 10. I could explain a couple flaws, but those too happen to be spoilers.

Maybe if more people come over, I'll give Avengers: Infinity War it's own thread to talk about the spoilers and what we like or don't like about the movie. And to think, the 19th film and the 10-year anniversary to when it all began.